Thursday, December 26, 2013

From My Thoughts to Your Thoughts

Just finished this speed paint for a lovely lady who goes by Elissinia. This was actually a companion piece to the one below.

Both were incredibly fun to work on. I had to really curb my time spent on either.. And I had actually worked on these about a month or two apart, so I found it a little bit difficult trying to make sure I kept the consistency. I typically have a difficult time doing companion pieces purposely already, but I think I pulled it off.

Christmas has just passed. and I almost forgot to post the Christmas cards I worked on! You can see them on my tumblr.

I actually didn't feel all that in the modd for Christmas this year, which was strange for me because I'm usually alll about getting into the holiday spirits regardless how big or small it is. But I just wasn't feeling it. I spent most of the morning lying in bed not wanting to get up and get out, or even see Tom's parents. I just thought about my own family a lot. How much I missed them and all and how things just weren't ever going to be the same again. I'm surprised at how difficult its been for me to accept change, especially since it's changes that I had made myself. I've had to take so much time thinking and what feels almost like recalibrating my brain to my life and surroundings around me. I think I got caught up in a lot of things I just didn't care about before. I don't go out for the long walks that I use to, I spend a lot of time indoors. BUt I just can't afford to go out anywhere. Not just because of money but time as well.

I sometimes feel that perhaps I am indeed worrying too much, and others I feel I just am not worrying enough or that I'm trying to avoid responsibility and adult hood. These last few weeks were awful. Everyday felt like a struggle just to get out of bed, despite my finally reaching some of my goals for this year. I've come a long way. I've learned so much in such a short span of time. For whatever reason, all my achievements have been glazed over and forgotten by new goals and some sort of journey to "do better faster". I'm not sure if it's being overwhelmed, or being lethargic, trying to keep up with the pace I've set out for myself. We've all seen the various videos and gifs of that one guy who puts the treadmill on too fast and stumbles right on his ass. Part of me doesn't know if I should get up and run away with whatever dignity I have left, or try and get back on. Perhaps eventually I'll be able to master the way of the treadmill, learn to dance a long side it and become friends with it, rather than think of it as a battle against it....

I hope these links work years later so that I may remember the moment I explained my emotions with a set of treadmill gifs.

Anyway. I've not got much time but I have been feeling much better today. I've been thinking about things differently. Learning to tame my cycle of life and emotions and so on. Trying to further understand myself in an attempt to reach a peace that I once had...I think that's what I'm trying to do anyway.

Life is strange like. I've also started doing a Vulcan meditation thing that came up in Star Trek Voyager. Tuvok mentions it in one episode, and it seemed ingenious. To my surprise, it's helped. I'll have to dig a bit deeper and understand why something so simple has helped so drastictally, but I think I'll be able to with a bit more time. 

Also, I've made a wallpaper for the two pictures

You can get them here :

Suffice to say, Christmas was far better than I anticipated and I still have so very much to learn.

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