Saturday, February 26, 2011
It's been a while.
Feeling a bit lost again. Kind of, wandering in my mind. Getting too caught up in the mirror, not talking to myself enough.
Im a bit upset with his face, but I always am. It changes too much. Need to get away from the internet again. Wastes my time. Reading/looking at the same things over and over again.
I like to imagine that I use it wisely, but I hardly do.
Just trying to sort things out. Never realised how much time drawing took up. I'm starting to feel like...is this the right thing for me? I want to draw, and illustrate for a living I think. But maybe the problem is I'm still trying to draw for everyone else. Need to draw more for myself maybe. It's hard trying to find a right answer.
Christopher in one of Cleo's dream I think. He's got a weird face again, but Cleo likes that sort of thing so it's okay.
Speaking of dreams. I had one last night. First one i could actually remember for a long while now. I was in a neighbour hood. There was a really thick mist out, and tom and I had to walk from this resteraunt we were at with the rest of the family back home to pick something up. The fog was super thick, and the rest of the town was dead quiet except the resteraunt that had this kind of patio, and lanterns all around it. Anyway, we're walking around and of course i'm acting like an idiot. It was really dark so tom was like " lets use my Iphone light app thing" And i took it out and it did nothing. So i just messed around with it while we were walking.
I put it on so that it would do the weird strobe light thing it can do and some kids at another resteraunt (nearly identical to the one we just came from) started going on about how its tinkerbell from peter pan. SO i waved it around pretending it was the fairy. They went hysterical.
So we walked by a huuuuge lake. I was sure Ive gone by this lake before in another dream, but anyway, it had these mounds of dirt with a huge leaf in each mound it looked like. But I knew better.
We got home, but right next to the hosue was a little girl, with her pet. Dont remember what the pet was, think it was a rabbit. And a really huge black dog. She said she was going back home to her real neighbour hood. She went down a hole in the dirt, that was surrounded by pipes and whatever. We followed her down. Her neighbourhood was bright and lovely, and colourfull, unlike our black and grey misty one back above the ground. We rode a giant turtle over another lake to get to the rest of her town. Everyone was happy there and everything, but I could tell something wrong was going on back home.
After spending time there we went back up, and everything was in shambles. It looked as if there had be some terrible war and we had been gone for a week. Bodies were everywhere, and it looked really bad. I saw the giant black dog behind a fence that was placed there after being blown away. It cried and came up to us. It was thirsty I thought.
The most vivid thing i can reember was pulling out this huge ice box that was filled with tepid water. It didn't look particularly dirty itself, and I moved it over so the dog could drink it. Which it did, and afterwards I could see that there was body parts and bits of flesh in the bottom of the crate. I felt nautious. I wanted to go back to the better town, so we left, big black dog, little girl and rabbit and all, down the drain.
I woke up.
Incidently the dog looked like an even huger version of Ellie, but with droopey ears
Takeyo Toyama - Hello 88 - 01
at 9:13 AM